What are Friends For?

I have been so blessed lately, through modern technology, to be able to re-connect with some of the nicest people I have ever known; friends from that period of my life when I was young and gangly, unsure and ashamed of myself and often at odds with the world around me. This has made me very thankful for these people, but it has started me thinking about friends and how and why people come and go in our lives.

Our lives as humans, are often relatively short, but in that brief period of time we will experience hundreds, even thousands of people and each one that we interact with, makes a huge impact; whether for good or ill, we are affected someway, somehow by each and every one; be it the loud obnoxious checker at the grocery store that comments on the items you are purchasing (I really hate that) or a receptionist at the dentist that is cheery and is truly concerned for your well being, or that person that you consider your best friend.

Most individuals would reason that the clerk or receptionist would not affect our lives, but they do. Depending on our mood or our stress level, each of these interactions can, if we let it, either smooth or ruffle feathers depending on how we react. In the big picture, these people are not really important to our daily well being, we don’t count them as friends, yet they can impact us tremendously.

Then we have acquaintances, these are the people we know through others, persons that we are not intimate with, but that we can carry on a conversation with in a social situation without feeling awkward. These individuals are the ones we have polite conversations with over the price of fresh fruit at the grocery store and then not think so much about them when we get home.

Then there are those people that we consider friends. People we love to share our lives with, people that we laugh and cry with, people that truly have an impact on who we are and who we become. These people are the warriors of life, they for us and us for them; together we do battle on daily basis. We work in tandem with each other and we make life worth living. These are the persons we work with, the people that we worship with, the people that we carpool with, the people in our card groups and the parents of the kids our kids play with.

The unfortunate and unique part of these friends is that often this friendship is for a limited amount of time. People that we can feel so close to at one point in our lives are, often a few years later, a memory. Is it that these individuals are un-important to us? Is it that they are merely a passing fancy, something to amuse us during a certain period of time? My belief is that individuals come into our life for a certain period of time to help mold and shape us into the human beings that we are called to be, and when their job is complete they fade away for reasons that are often mundane (such as a job transfer), but that we don’t see in the grand scheme of the universe.

Fortunately, some of these people will often come and go in our lives when we need them most. It is amazing to me how I can lose track of someone I consider a dear friend only to find them later when I need them again. I think this kind of friend is more like a guardian angel; there to support and uphold us when we need them, but hovering out of site till God summons them back into our lives.

Then, there are those friends that we consider our best friends. These special individuals are such an important part of who we are; but that are really, few in number. These are the few intimates that we truly let know us, the person or persons that often know us as much or better than we know ourselves. These are the friends that share life with us for years and years at a time. People that share in life and death issues with us, people by reason of love share in sickness and in health and people that know just when to call because the connection is so strong that in their gut they know that something is amiss. These “best” friends, these intimates are really the backbone of our life. These are the people that support us no matter what and that give life meaning.

I often wonder if those people that we encounter that are mean and unhappy ever had a best friend? Did they ever know the joy of telling a secret to someone, knowing that it would be kept? Did they ever have that wonderful experience of being in a group conversation look across the table, and with a smirk on their face let their best friend know they knew exactly what he/she was thinking?

I have been blessed in my life to have a couple of people that I am truly connected with. These persons are who I am and who I will become. We share things that no one can ever take away from me, and for that I am grateful. One of these friends was taken from me early in life. I felt his death in the very depths of my being, yet I know that he has truly never left me. I know that on those days when I am overwrought and beyond consolation, and I see his face, I know I am not alone, that even in death our friendship remains, and I am made stronger once again.